어린 소녀를 생판 모르는 사내에게 강제 조혼시키는 나라, 그녀의 지나온 삶 폭로. 참 세상은 어지럽다. 달나라 그리고 화성에 가본들, 이들의 삶과는 무관할 뿐이고....
성숙한 여인도 아닌 이제 갖 Teenager로서의 장래의 삶에 대한 꿈을 한번 펼쳐 보기도전에, 한번 만나보지도 않은 남자에게 팔아먹다시피 떠 내동댕이치는 부모는, 그렇게 살아온 사회풍습이려니 생각하면서.... 아무런 죄책감도 느끼지 못한다.
우리가 살아가는 서방세계의 나라에서는 결혼은 태어나서 생을 마감하는 그날까지 치러지는 여러행사중에서 가장 신선하고 축하받고, 큰 잔치로 치러져야하는 축제인데.... 지금으로 부터 50여년전만 해도 우리는 가난하게 살았었다. 그가난함 속에서도 결혼식은 최대의 심혈을 기울려 양가에서 최대의 축제로 판을 벌려 축하해주고, 이웃들이 모여 축복을 빌어주는 가장 큰 행사였었다.
Sharina와 Nazir는 그들의 결혼식날에 처음 상면했다. Sharina는 막 14세가 됐고, 남편될 Nazir는 17세였다. 그들이 결혼하게된것은 그들의 뜻이 아니었고, 이들 두 미성년자들은 그들의 부모와 가족들이 강제로 결혼을 시켜 부부가 된것이다.
해마다 18세 아래의 어린이들,13백5십만명이 아무것도 알지 못한채 결혼을 하고있다.(are married).그들중에서 12백만명은 소녀들이다. 어린 아이들에 강제결혼은 심각한 인권유린이며, 그결과 소녀들의 교육을 중단시키고 또한 신체적으로, 또 성학대뿐만 아니라 건강문제에 까지도 심한 문제점이 되고 있다.
이런 사회적 문제를 바꾸기가 쉽지는 않지만, 어린아이들의 조혼을 금지시키는것은 가능하다고 본다. "Plan International"은 이러한 부조리를 없애기위해 여러나라들과 협력하여 쉴새없이 노력하고있고, 이러한 어린이들의 조혼을 막기위해 부모님들, 국회의원들, 사회적 지도자들 그리고 특히 청년들과 강력한 파트너쉽을 이루어 열심히 뛰고 있다고한다.
우리가 이렇게 여러 기관들과 협력하여 일하면서 예상치도않게 어린소녀로 결혼했었던 신부들을 많이 만났는데, Sharina가 그들중의 하나다. 당시 14세의 소녀로 강제 결혼을 해야만 했던 삶의 이야기를, 그녀가 지금 우리와 함께 그내막을 폭로하고 있다.
이야기는 우리 아버지로 부터 시작된다. 아버지는 어느날 갑자기 나를 데리고 당시 우리 마을을 방문한 노인에게 갔었는데, 그때에 나는 그노인은 나의 남편이될 남자의 할아버지 였음을 꿈에도 상상 못했었다. 또한 나는 그날의 상면이 바로 신부로서의 내자신을 선보이는 자리였다는것을 알지 못했던 것이다.
그사실을 알려준 사람은 내오빠의 부인으로, 오늘 있었던것은 바로 일종의 선보는 행사였다라고. 그얘기를 듣고 나는 매우 불안했으며 '내가 결혼한다고?'. 정말로 비관에 빠져 울기 시작했었다. 결혼하고픈 생각은 눈꼽만큼도 없었다. 그후에 나는 그노인의 손자의 신부로 선택된것이다. 그렇게 신부로 선택된후부터는 나에게 어떤 일이 앞으로 일어날지에 대해서 아무도 얘기해주질 않았었고, 동시에 학교를 자퇴해야만 했다.
학교를 그만둔것은 경제적 이유가 상당부분 있었지만, 왜냐면 우리부모는 교육시키기에는 턱없이 부족한 가난했었기 때문이기도 했지만, 나의 가장 친한 친구역시 자퇴했기 때문이었다. 우리동네에서 우린 자랑스럽게 친교를 했었다. 결혼을 해서 아무도 알지 못하는, 먼곳으로 거처를 옮긴다는것은 나에게는 커다란 고통이었었다. 아무것도 할수 없었고 오직 방안에 처박혀 울기만 했었다.
우리가족은 남편될 남자를 만나보기위해 그곳으로 여행을 떠났었지만, 나는 그를 만나는데서 제외됐었고, 그것은 결혼하는 날까지 계속 됐었다.
내남편, Nazir 역시, 그의 어머니가 그를 더 이상 돌볼수 없게되자 강요된 결혼을 할수밖에 없었다. 어머니는 그에게 내사진을 보여주면서 지금 선택하라고 주문한것이다. 우리는 내가 자랐던 집을 떠나오면서 한마디의 대화도 주고받지 않았었다. 마침내 내가 그를 흩어보면서, 그는 잘생긴 남자가 아니라는것을 알았고, 그의 모습이 맘에 들지 않았었다. 눈에서는 눈물이 주르르 흘러내렸었고, 정신은 혼미상태에 빠졌었다.
처음 며칠동안은 우리사이에는 대화가 전연없었다. 대화의 음성은 극히 형식적이었고 간단했었다. 그는 나에게 당부하기를 너무나 형식적으로 대하지 말것을 주문했으며, 나는 우리집으로 되돌아가고싶다라고 대꾸했었다. 그러자 그는 우리는 이제 결혼한 사이다라고. 그는 친절했으며 상황을 이해하고는 있었지만, 나에게 타일렀다. 신부는 지금부터 우리의 삶이 펼져질것이라는점을 인정해야 한다 라고.
이러한 나의 얘기를 읽는 순간에도 100명이 넘는 어린 소녀들의 강제 결혼이 이루어지고 있으며, 시간으로 따지면 매3초마다 1명의 어린소녀들이 강제결혼을 하고 있다는 뜻이다.
매순간마다 어린소년소녀들의 결혼에 대해 NO라고 말할수있는 권리는 Covid-19 Pandemic 때문에 묵살되고 있다는 점이다. 우리 모두는 현재 전세계를 덮치고 있는 전염병의 직접적인 영향으로 어린소녀신부들이 계속 생산되고 있다는 현실에 직면해 있음을 인식해야 한다.
우리 모두는 시간을 멈추고 모든 천륜을 역행하는 짖을 멈추고, 그렇게 해서 어린 소녀들은 자기가 원하는바에 따라 자신의 장래를 결정할수 있도록 해주어야 한다.
믿어지지 않는 소설같은 얘기지만, 이러한 지옥같은 삶이 더이상 지속되지 않도록 유엔을 포함한 전세계 적극적인 계몽에 나서야 한다. 더늦기전에....
Sharina* and Nazir met for the first time on their wedding day.
Sharina was just 14 and Nazir was 17. Their decision to marry was not theirs to make. Instead, both of them were forced into marriage by their families.
Every year, 13.5 million children under 18 are married, with many having little to no say in the matter – and of that number, 12 million are girls. Child marriage is a serious human rights violation that often cuts short a girls’ education and increases her risk of experiencing physical and sexual abuse, as well as health problems.
It won’t be easy – but ending child marriage is possible. Plan International has been working tirelessly across many countries and for many years to help end child marriage through powerful partnerships with parents, lawmakers, community leaders and especially youth.
Through our work, we encounter many former child brides – Sharina is one of them. Now she shares her story of being forced into marriage at age 14.
The story begins with my father. It was my father who suddenly one day took me to an old man who was visiting our village. At the time, I did not know this old man was the grandfather of the man who would soon become my husband. I also didn’t know that this “meeting” was to showcase me as a potential bride.
It was my brother’s wife who told me what was really going on. I was scared. Me – married? I was desperately sad and began to cry. I had no desire to get married.
After I was chosen as the bride for the old man’s grandson, no one talked to me about what was going to happen. At the same time, I dropped out of school.
The reasons I dropped out were partly economic, since my parents did not have much money for education, and because my best friends had also dropped out. I was very fond of my friends and happy in our village. The thought that I had to marry and move to a place far away without anyone I knew was awfully painful to me. I did nothing but sit inside and cry.
My family travelled to meet the man who would become my husband, but I never met him – not until we were married.
THE NIGHT BEFORE THE WEDDING
The “gaye holud” is an important part of wedding traditions in Bangladesh.
It’s the night before the wedding where guests congregate while the bride is adorned for the wedding. An important part of this tradition is smearing the bride in yellow turmeric which brightens and softens the skin. Another tradition is for the groom’s family to bring gifts for the bride – they gave me a yellow sari to wear for the ceremony.
For a bride, the holud should be a feast and celebration but I just cried. I sat on a straw mat in front of all the others, in my yellow sari, while I was decorated with yellow flowers in my hair and around my neck. Henna tattoos were also drawn on my hands and up my arm. Thoughts flew through my head – “Was it really happening now? How could it be?”
A wedding should be a happy moment but this was tragic. I knew I was too young.
HERE COMES THE GROOM
The wedding party started at 10am with the whole village present. While the party was going on outside, I sat alone in my room. The neighbours teased me, crying outside the door, “Here comes the groom!”. Each time it happened, my heart jumped and I felt like I could not breathe.
I looked down at all times during the formal session of the ceremony, it would be over when I said “kobul” – a confirmation that I consent to the marriage. But I refused to say it. This made my family angry and everyone shouted that I had to say it. They said I was being disrespectful. I had no choice. I said the words and not once did I look at the man I was forced to go away with.
THE BEGINNING OF A NEW LIFE
Nazir, my husband, had also been forced to marry when his mother could no longer manage to care for him. She had shown him my picture and told him that it was now or never.
As we drove away from my childhood home, we did not say a word. When I finally glanced at him, I thought he was not handsome. I did not like the look of him. The tears came back and finally I fainted.
In the first days, we hardly spoke. The tone between us was formal and brief. He eventually asked me to be less formal but I told him that I wanted to go home. He said we were married now. He was kind and understanding but said I had to realize this was my life now.
Today, the relationship between us is much better. A few months after the wedding, I was seriously ill and bedridden with a fever. Nazir sat with me every night, put wet cloths on my forehead and took care of me. He said he loved me. He was very afraid and said he would rather die than lose me. After that, my feelings towards Nazir began to change.
TONNI
When I fell pregnant, it was Nazir who took care of me. When Tonni, our daughter, was born, Nazir was so happy. He had wanted a daughter and was so proud. I was surprised the first time I saw her. She was so pretty.
My daughter and her future means everything to Nazir and I. Our greatest wish for her is that she will study and get an education – something we never had. Nazir’s wish is that she will become a doctor.
Together, we’ve agreed that we are never going to make the same mistakes our parents made – we will NEVER marry off our daughter.
TIME IS RUNNING OUT FOR GIRLS LIKE SHARINA
In the time it took to read this story, 100 girls were forced into child marriage – that’s 1 girl every 3 seconds.
With each passing moment, progress that has been made for girls’ rights to say NO to child marriage is being undone due to the impact of the COVID-19 crisis. We are now faced with the reality that more girls will become child brides as a direct result of the pandemic.
We must stop the clock and stop the setback so that girls can decide their own futures.
Learn more about how COVID-19 has setback progress for girls
*Name has been changed to protect identity.
https://stories.plancanada.ca/forced-to-marry-a-stranger-a-child-bride-shares-her-story/
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